forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
