I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
