i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
did i just pee glitter
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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