You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
