even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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