Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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