im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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