Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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