They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
