She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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