She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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