We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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