we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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