i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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