HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
