i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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