So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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