I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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