Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
