i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
