reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
