Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Randomize
