Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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