Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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