I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
