And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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