Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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