I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
