In the future we'll all be gay
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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