I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
