Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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