You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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