do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
