the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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