Ambien. No doubt about it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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