my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
