Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
