Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
