Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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