just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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