Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
