For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
