I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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