Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
