Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
