I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
