I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
