ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
