I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
