How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
