from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
