why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
