Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am one with the molecules
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
